SYATP

In approximately 8 hours, teens will gather around their school flagpoles to pray for their schools.  I get the privilege and honor of going with my youngest sister who is a sophmore at West Salem High School this year.  My goal: to pray for them as they pray for others, as they pray for their school.  That they would be strong and courageous, that they would find who they are in God, not each other.  That they would love each other enough to speak the truth, no matter what the cost.  That they realize God's extravagant love for them.  That they take the time to fan into flame the passion that has been lit within them.  That young men rise up to protect and serve their generation.  That young women answer the call on their lives to nurture and care for their generation.  That they realize how little time they have here, and that they they realize it soon.

"We sell our dreams and our potential to escape through that buzz..."

Honestly Seeking Honesty posted this on her facebook.  I'm really not one for the rap genre, but have a listen.

In Recent News...

    Wow...that last post sounded a tad emo, huh?  Whoops.  After all of the drama of being "best friends" with someone and then having them angry with me when I didn't know it and then to mend the relationship somewhat only to have it fall apart again...well...it's just been emotionally exhausting.  We've made up...again...this sounds so much like middle school when I read this...not a place I really want to go back to...
    Anyway, I've been having an extremely hard time getting over this...which is really bothering me.  I mean, I forgave this friend already...it just...I think what really bothers me is that I'm a bit jaded.  I'm having a really difficult time trusting people; people who I should be able to trust.  I feel like it's taken so long for me to come out of my shell, for me to begin to show people who I really am and now I've regressed.  It sucks.  I've totally gone back to that old familiar corner of insecurity and it's driving me crazy.
    I don't know how long it's going to take for me to be able to open back up to people...I mean, this sounds a little weird, but I've actually never felt closer to any other human before...I mean, I'd never clicked with someone like that before and now the relationship is ... I don't even know what it is.
    Sorry!  This was supposed to be less emo!  Well, I guess the good news is that I have One who's always with me, who I can always trust and that I have been working on building some other relationships with people I feel I could probably trust sometime in the future.  And I'm learning how to guard my heart even better (although, I'm not sure if that one's entirely good).  I'm making progress, it's just not as fast as I would like.

My Sister, My Friend

I miss you, my sister, my friend
Where have you gone?
"Nowhere," you say?

I remember how we used to talk
About boys and romance
And weddings and God

Then he came along, stole you away
Why have you gone so far away?
"No one," you say?

I tried telling you to take it slow
You said that you would,
Then, that I didn't know

I couldn't keep my mouth shut,
Couldn't agree

After all, you asked me for honesty

I guess you only wanted Madame Honesty
When she agreed with Senor Hormone
And we both know they don't speak.

 Now we don't speak
I wish things were different
I wish you'd come home

I heard you're tying the knot
Heard I'm not supposed to know
Good luck to you and to beau

I remember when we talked about weddings,
Said we'd always be there
No matter how far, in foul weather or fair

Well you've gone far away and still live in town
I just can't believe how all this went down
I guess you're still lost, hope soon you'll decide to be found.

Lead Me

    About a month ago, I read a blog posted by my sister (Honestly Seeking Honesty) and it's actually stuck with me for a bit; I just can't seem to get it out of my head.  One of the things she said was something she'd actually stolen from our mom: "I ride my own white horse!"  That's totally true!  If you think you're going to stop me from going into battle, chances are, you're going to be sore in the morning.  Also, I don't need to be rescued...I've already been saved.
  
     I don't want a man who expects to be my savior, nor do I want him to worship the ground I walk on.  I don't want someone who just really wants his mama.  I want a partner. I want to spend my days with a man (not to be confused with the ever-popular but oh-so-disappointing man-boy), one who will fight with me when I can't win alone.  One who will stand up and be a protector when there's danger.  A man who follows God  and has the guts to stand up to me when I'm wrong, a strong man. 

 Then I heard this song for the first time in a while.

So, like I said, this has kind of been rolling around in my brain for a while.  My sister's conclusion was that, although she doesn't have her eye on anyone, she feels like she's ready to be in a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. 

Mine is: I know what qualities I'm attracted to, but I'm not ready.  I don't think I have much to give at this point.  I would probably be more like a parasite than a partner right now.  Someday, I know I'll meet him.  But for right now, I guess I'll just have to keep waiting until God brings him into my life and makes me ready for the grand adventure.

    I love it when friendships are renewed.  I took my own advice from earlier in the week and a couple of my formerly faded friendships have regained some of the luster they once had.  Exciting!  And an answer to my prayers!  I'm amazed at how much a lack of communication can hinder a relationship; communication of how you feel, communication of what you like and don't like, etc.  If you don't tell people when they hurt you, and you get upset when they don't figure it out and apologize, can you really blame them?  The answer is no.  No, you can't blame them, because you're not playing fair.  Now, if they were to knowingly hurt you, and not do anything about it, that's a different story.

    So, for future reference, tell me when I do something that bothers you.  Tell me when I hurt you.  TELL ME!  That way, we don't have to spend months apart because you're worried about how I'll react to you telling me the truth.  The truth sets us free.  We can't be free if we can't speak truth to each other.

This tongue was made for lickin'...er talkin'....

    Today was another long class.  Six and a half hours and we didn't get out early this week.  We had a test, some lecture and then it was off to lunch.  After lunch and trying, unsuccessfully, to nap in my car (apparently, I'm taller now than when I was eight), it was back to class for more lecture (which I ended up leaving to crash on a gross old couch in a nearby sky bridge).  For lab this afternoon, we had to use our spit in a starch compound mixed with iodine to demonstrate how the enzymes function at different pH levels.
   
    So I'm sitting there, spitting into a not-so-sterilized glass beaker, trying to work up 5 mL of saliva and I got to thinking; what if my spit could dissolve things?  That would be so freaking cool!  It could be like a super power that I would vow to use only for good.  I've spent the last few hours pondering this and there was just something about the idea that wouldn't let me forget about it.  I came to two conclusions and I didn't look good in my superheroine spandex and cape outfit, so we'll go with the other one...

    What if it's not about dissolving inanimate objects?  I know, I know, what kind of a super power would that be, right?=)  I mean, your saliva does "dissolve" some stuff.  In fact, simple carbohydrates are 5-10% digested by the time you're done chewing (all the more reason to chew well, like mama taught you and not swallow your food whole, like a penguin or snake).  Then a picture of a tongue popped into my head.  Big, bulky and generally unimpressive at first sight, the tongue is actually quite amazing.  It's strong enough to not become tired after eating a Thanksgiving Day dinner big enough to feed a small country for a week, yet this mass of muscle is agile enough to maneuver food into chewing position without getting in the way of the teeth (usually).  It can be manipulating a mouthful of food and still feel that single hair from the waiter you were rude to.  But still, this is not the main point.

    Tongue-lashing.  We've all heard of it and many have been the victims of it.  The way we use our tongues can directly impact whether people live or die, whether they want to live or die.  Would it sound silly if I told you, "Tongue and I are here to save you!" ??? Silly, yes, but true none the less.  The way in which I speak should make people want to live, desire to do the same for others and inspire them to action.  Lately, my speech has been seriously lacking in these ways.  I think I know why.  It's hard for me to open up to people in certain ways, having been hurt before (I know, welcome to Earth, third rock from the Sun, right?).  It takes me a long time to trust, as I'm sure it does you.  As close friendships shrivel up and die around me, I can't help but shrink back into my cave, my safe haven. 

    The thought comes to mind, that maybe it's not my friends, fading away.  Maybe it's me.  Maybe I'm the one who fades away.  Maybe I made the first hurting comment "jokingly" so it wouldn't sting so much when they returned the favor.  Ouch.  Well, I guess I don't really have a reason to be bitter about that anymore then, since it's my own doing.  In my own insecurities and past hurts, I've done just what I promised myself I wouldn't.  Luckily, I have people around me who will call me out should this get any worse.  I'm just glad the Doctor caught it first =)  Get out there and lick somebody!