Opinions, opinions...

Today, as I was reading in 1 Samuel, I stopped in chapter 14, verse 7 as I read this:

"'Do all that you have in mind,' his armor-bearer said, 'Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.'"

The armor-bearer is responding to Jonathan, King Saul's son, after he said something to the effect of, "Come on, God's with us!  Let's you an I go get those bastards [read "Philistines"]!" (Paraphrased, in case you were wondering.)  I noticed that Jonathan didn't exactly ask his armor-bearer for a reply.  Also, the armor-bearer didn't have a lukewarm attitude about the proposal; his answer is one filled with passion and loyalty.

Now, I have some pretty strong opinions (shocking, I know) and I tend to see things as very "black and white."  "My way or the highway" used to be one of my favorite sayings and it took me a long time to realize I could like and even be friends with people who don't agree with every single thing I think.

Not only do I have strong opinions, but I share them freely (who wouldn't want to know what I'm thinking!). One of the things I hear God challenging me to do here is to wait for that opinion to be asked in some cases. No, not everyone wants to hear all of my opinions all the time (another shocker!).  I hear Him asking me to be willing to be sensitive to his Spirit and ask for discernment concerning what He wants me to share, who He wants me to share it with and when to do it.

Sometimes, He's gonna tell me to speak what's on my heart, other times, He's going to ask me to keep my mouth shut for the moment; not all my ideas/views/opinions are the right way to do things because they're just that - mine, not His; opinions, not truths (there, I said it!)  Sometimes, I'm going to need to just nod and say, "I know my role is to support you in this, so let's go for it! Animo!!! I'm with you all the way, no matter what!," despite my opinion.

Obviously, there will be many times in my life where I share my strong opinions because that's part of who I am, but God is calling me to be sensitive to the voice of His Spirit and to learn to discern when to speak my mind and when I need to listen and obey.

The Baggage

I was reading in first Samuel chapter 10 today; it's about when Saul is first becoming king of Israel and verses 20-22 go like this:

"When Samuel brought all the tribes of Israel near, the tribe of Benjamin was chosen.  Then he brought forward the tribe of Benjamin, clan by clan, and Matri's clan was chosen.  Finally Saul son of Kish was chosen.  But when they looked for him, he was nowhere to be found.  So they inquired further of the LORD, 'Has the man come here yet?'  And the LORD said, 'Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage.'"

Samuel had met with Saul before hand and told him of all these signs to prove he really had been chosen as king.  All the signs came true.  Yet when it came time to present the people with their future king, he was nowhere to be found!  In fact, he was hiding.

Now, maybe he was hiding so he could process recent events, maybe he was an introvert and needed some alone time or maybe he was just plain scared...who knows?!  One thing is for certain, he felt more comfortable with his baggage (and likely a few stinky camels) than with the calling God placed on his life.

I totally get that!  When I'm tired, stressed, scared or unsure, I put on those old insecurities all over again; even though God has taken all my insecurities, shame, guilt and fear.  Hiding is easy; the challenge then, is to stop hanging out with the camels and start living up to what/who God has called me to be!

We don't do that here!

    So, I was going to post some stuff over the long weekend, but I didn't end up getting a chance to and I've now forgotten what I was going to post about....all with good reason, of course.

   The Friday before Memorial day, the bank branch I work at got robbed.  At gunpoint.  So, needless to say, I spent my weekend doing lots of processing.  It wasn't me that got robbed, thank God.  I did freak out when the security call came in; I had no idea we'd been robbed!  The robber was only in the branch for 45 to 60 seconds total.  The teller (or service specialist, as we're now called) that was robbed did exactly what she was supposed to do; give him whatever he asks for, only what he asks for and get him out of the branch with as little incident as possible.   She had just cashed a pretty large check for the customer before the robber, so had very little cash.  Definitely not enough to make it worth risking the consequences for armed robbery!

    We ended up staying closed for the rest of that day.  I left for a little while to go see my parents before we closed.  I was still in shock, but it was good to see them, to know there's an anchor of sorts.  No one was injured, thank God again!  However, it was at gunpoint and it was almost everyone's first robbery ever.  I've worked for the bank and at this specific branch for three years and we'd never been robbed.  Another employee has been there for five and it was her first as well.  We used to joke about how we used to be the branch to rob "back in the day" but the robbers must have forgotten where we were since we'd only ever heard of robberies, not been involved in them.  Those jokes aren't funny anymore.  Funny, how quickly your perspective can change.  When the teller told me, "Close your window, I've just been robbed," I laughed.  Mostly out of shock, I think; What?! No way! That doesn't happen here.


    After the decision was made to stay closed, we went out for drinks at the Half Penny.  I'd never been in a bar at 2:30 in the afternoon before; it's so depressing.  But that was how they wanted to process, so that's what we did.  Afterwards, a few of us went to the Silver Spur to go dancing.  I love, love, love dancing!  I ended up crashing at a co-worker's house (not because I was drunk, mind you) to be closer to everyone in case something happened that night (like someone broke down and needed more processing time or something).  Nothing happened, but better safe than sorry.

    Saturday, I did the bread run for church....lots of driving and alone time as I drove back and forth across town gave me the opportunity to process alone and just be quiet with my thoughts.  Sunday I experienced a more community aspect of processing as my church family processed with me.  It's amazing how far apart the secular and church processing mechanisms are!  I hadn't really realized it before.  Secular: let's go have some drinks to take the edge off.  Church: let's pray for/with you, thank God you're alright!

    Monday, we had the day off because of Memorial Day and some college age people from church went to the beach for our friend Leia's birthday.  We spent hours and hours there and it was actually nice out!  That evening, as I looked around the blazing (and I mean blazing) hot campfire, I thought about what an awesome group of people I have around me.  And what a great support system I have; family, friends, co-workers.  Nearly all of them are supportive and healthy people, willing to help me process whatever happens!  I was moved to tears (the smoke was conveniently blowing in my eyes) at the thought of how much I love all of these people, of how much they mean to me.  I was blown away at the fact that God cares enough about me to surround me with people I can lean on and walk beside in times of trouble; people who accept me for who I am, where I'm at and encourage me to grow more and more into the woman God wants me to be.

   In conclusion, I am blessed.  So extremely blessed!
    

30 Hour Famine

    I spent this last weekend with about 20 middle and high schoolers and several college-age leaders at a youth "lock-in" of sorts.  We participated in what is called the 30 Hour Famine, done by World Vision.  It's a fundraiser for starving children everywhere as well as a great awareness raiser, all specifically designed for youth.

    The way the fundraising side works is the kids go around and get sponsors, much like a jogathon; some donors might choose to give per hour the kid can go with out eating and others may choose to give a flat amount.  The idea is to get people to give about a dollar an hour, because World Vision can make about $30 stretch to feed a starving child for one month.  Hence, the 30 Hour Famine.

    The awareness part is accomplished with games that teach about a few different countries and their struggles, videos and clips of the hungry and the challenges they face.  Oh and did I mention we didn't eat for the entire time?  We all stopped eating at 12 noon on Friday and broke our fast with a meal of white rice, black beans and chicken at about 6pm on Saturday.  I hate white rice and I typically don't care for black beans, but this meal is one of the best I have ever had!

    The games all focused on teamwork and were all physically exerting in some way and they all related to different countries and their struggles.  One game involved protecting the crops (two socks filled with rice and secured to a designated person on each team with binder clips) and trying to steal other teams' crops.  Another focused on trying to get clean water from different sources and then carrying the bucket of water back and forth in a relay race.  One included popping balloons to put together a meal.  Another drew attention to the super preventable sickness of malaria, where teams had to find flashlight pieces and a mosquito net (blanket), put the flashlight together and, while wearing the blanket, shine the light on the malaria ridden mosquitoes (the team leaders) to expose them.

    All of the teams had handicaps for all of the games.  I, for example, along with another girl on my team had to wear a heavy backpack during all games to symbolize being weak from hunger.  Others had things like mute from trauma (tied a scarf around face), blind from fire (wore sunglasses with scotch tape over the lenses), one leg trapped under tree (had to tape one leg up), feverish from hunger (wore heavy coats, blankets or sleeping bags), hands burnt by acid or fire (taped sandwich bags over hands) and hearing loss from bombings (stuffed ears with cotton balls).  These handicaps and not eating definitely made the games more interesting!

    On Saturday morning, we got up and went to feed the homeless under the Center Street bridge.  Feeding the homeless while fasting was definitely a challenge!  But from not eating, to working as a team, to talking and mingling with the homeless, our kiddos did awesome!  I am so, so proud of all of them!  Yes, there were times when we got cranky and just wanted to go home and eat and sleep, but we pulled through it together and it was so cool to see the kids get perspective on the suffering going on in this world-especially at the hands of something so preventable as malaria or hunger!

    Also, it was a super cheap event to do...$100 was our budget and we spent about half of it on the one meal.  A super simple event to do!

Orientation =)

Introduction

Small Group Time!

Speaking Spanish with Miguel at the bridge

One of the games

One of the students with a taped up leg

This is an awesome game of sardines going on right here!

Gratefulness Walk

Worship and Communion before Dinner

Waiting...

Food! Finally!

Final Debrief

Exhaustion

   

Girls' Retreat

So, I, along with some other women took 12 middle and high school girls to Newport, Oregon for a girls' youth retreat two weekends ago.  The entire week before the retreat, I tried to prepare myself for what I knew would be an exhausting weekend--spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.  After all, all of my experiences with youth girls...and, well girls in general, has been DRAMA.
 
On the car ride over, I have to confess, I was glad I didn't have to ride in the big van and that I only had to ride with four other people.  Selfish?  A little, yes.  I think I had a tad bit of a bad attitude going into the weekend...I mean, I was psyched about the potential the weekend had, but trying to prepare myself for reality.  We stopped at the beach and a few of the girls got soaking wet...at the Oregon coast, in February.  They're obviously immune to hypothermia.

I made gift bags for each girl (filled with stuff like: sleep masks, nail polish, candy hearts, compact mirrors with the words "Worthy of Love" written on the inside, tissues, etc.) and took them, along with some decorations to the house while the students and the rest of the leaders did a dorky photo scavenger hunt.  We had fun decorating the house (which was huge--5 bed, 3 bath, family room, dining room/living room and a second HUGE living room) and getting dinner started.

When the girls got to the house and got settled in, I expected to hear people squabbling over beds and such, but except for the minor competitive race for space that was bound to happen, there wasn't any drama over where to sleep.  We had our second session after dinner (we had our first before we left Salem) and it was great!  The whole day had been about self image.

The schedule called for us to be in bed, lights out by midnight...which I thought would be close to impossible, but the girls proved me wrong again and pretty much went to bed right on time!  The next morning, we got up, ate breakfast (pancakes and sausage made by the lovely Netti Miller-one of my sisters), and had another session.  This one was intense.  The leaders shared their testimonies in regards to purity and there wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Of course, weeping at the drop of a hat like I do, I cried...a lot.  After we shared, we spread out and let the girls come to us to talk and pray.  It was awesome.  The girls had to pick the leader they felt they could most relate with and physically walked over to them...in front of everyone else.  That takes courage.  The girls of our youth group are lionhearted.

After much crying, talking, crying, praying, crying and more crying, we ate lunch together and then the girls and most of the leaders headed for the beach.  My sisters and I (one came to cook, one is a youth student and the other is a youth leader with a kindred spirit) went grocery shopping because those girls ate allll the food.

We reconvened, had dinner and had our second session on purity.  When we split up for smallgroups, the one I was helping to lead dealt with some really, really hard issues.  However, one of the other leaders in the group pulled that girl aside and spoke love and affirmation and truth into and over her in a way I can only ever imagine being able to do.  A courageous act of love.

The girls made it to bed on time-ish again...and the other leader I was rooming with--that kindred spirit I was writing about--and I stayed up until 3am talking!  It was a late night/early morning but it was so worth it.  We had our morning session on relationships and then we packed up and headed out.  I rode with my sisters and one other student and while the other girls went on about finishing up the retreat, we headed to Portland.  At PDX, we met up with one of the students moms and left our extra passenger with her.  We headed back to Salem, making a pit stop in Canby for some Burgerville deliciousness.

By the time we got home, I was so ready to crash, even though I slept for part of the way in the car.  I realized that I was only physically drained, but that my emotional and mental capacities were a little tired, but nothing to complain about and I was spiritually overflowing!  These girls had little to know drama despite the late nights, crying, and some heavy things they're dealing with and I am so impressed with them!

I hope that we continue as we enter back into the "real world."

Rewards

    So I was reading my Bible on Friday and God spoke to me (as He usually does) and I kind of got a mini revelation and thought, "Oh, that was cool."  But then today at church, my pastor said some of the same stuff, so I thought I'd share.

    God frequently speaks to me; whether through reading my Bible, conversations I have with people, or just in a quiet moment, His words typically surround me...when I'm "in tune" with Him at least.  But I was reading Genesis 15 and Luke 6 and I realized that I am one of those people that Jesus talks about in Luke 6:46-47.  It goes like this: " 'Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?  I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice.' " 


    God speaks to me all the time and I brush it off and then ask for more!  I think it's usually because I don't like or I'm not comfortable with what He has to say or it's just hard for me to believe.  In Genesis 15, God promises Abram that he will have a son....at his old age?  Who'da thunk?!  But in verse 6, it says: "Abram believed the Lord and He credited it to him as righteousness."

    So....it's an act of righteousness to believe what God says to me? Huh...I never thought of it like that.  Genesis 15:1 is my favorite though.  It says, "...'Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward.' "

    Could it be possible that God, not the promise, is the reward?  When a promise doesn't come to pass right away, I get upset, even though He didn't have to offer me anything in the first place.  When He asks me to give something up so He might bless me with something better, I hang onto it tighter than Golum and the one ring; unwilling to make any small sacrifice for the greater gift He has for me.

     It seems like I'm always pursuing God so that He'll give me something (some might call this a transactional relationship), when I should be pursuing relationship with Him simply because He's the creator of the universe who allows me to even seek Him.  Why is it that I feel spending time with Him is so tedious when I should be thanking Him for the chance to do so?  My God and having a relationship with Him is the prize.

    Compared to walking with Jesus, everything else is poo.